And yet, she's still wistful for a home with Xiang Liu even though he's Cang Xuan's enemy and sends him the crystal ball even though she doesn't think he loves her. I said this before, but if Xiang Liu had shown up, she would have chucked it all behind and gone with him, effectively choosing him over Cang Xuan.HeadInTheClouds:
what is not clear to me is XY thought that XY is able to give her a home (or marry her). With this text itself, does it imply that if XL had feeling and intention to do so, she would follow him regardless of their different political stance or her wish to have a lifetime companionship? How could she regard him as being able when he would stick with Shen-nong army until their end?H19279:
This is how I see it. This scene takes place after Cang Xuan ascended the throne. Prior to this, everything she did was always in consideration of Cang Xuan - resolutely protecting him, doing everything in her power to ensure that he achieved everything he wanted to achieve. Now that Cang Xuan was finally king, she no longer needed to protect him anymore, and could at last consider what she wanted.
She wanted to have a home. I don't believe she meant a literal home, but a place where she belonged, with someone she could call her own. My interpretation is that even way back, deep in her heart, she hoped Xiang Liu would be her safe harbour despite their differing stances (it was clear she continued to consider him even when the old Xuan Yuan king was still on the throne). As such, at this juncture, the 有力 could mean that he could marry her if he wanted to because his allegiance to the Shen Nong army and her position as Cang Xuan's sister and the old Xuan Yuan king's granddaughter was no longer a hindrance for her. The only obstacle to her wish was her belief that he had no intention to do so, because he did not love her.
And still she continued to hope, finally plucking up the courage to send that crystal globe to the man she believed did not love her, laying bare her innermost hopes and wishes, allowing herself to be vulnerable, she who always protected herself fiercely from being hurt for so long. And I truly feel so sorry for her when Xiang Liu deliberately crushed those hopes even though each act shattered his own heart, because he wanted her to have a permanent home, not one where she would be alone again when he was gone.
She wanted to have a home. I don't believe she meant a literal home, but a place where she belonged, with someone she could call her own.liddi:
Yes, home here has always been metaphorical. If it was simply just a physical house, she could easily have that. The longing for connections and the desire to be loved and accepted are basic human needs after basic survival needs such as food and physical safety are met.
As such, at this juncture, the 有力 could mean that he could marry her if he wanted to because his allegiance to the Shen Nong army and her position as Cang Xuan's sister and the old Xuan Yuan king's granddaughter was no longer a hindrance for her.
Was this a change of mind on her part? Cang Xuan is now safe so she doesn't have to worry about him anymore, but the opposing loyalties have always been there and Cang Xuan's slowly consolidating his power hasn't changed that. So why was this no longer a hindrance for her? If anything, with his power consolidated, he can turn his full attention to Shen Nong's Resistance Army and Xiang Liu's ending is drawing closer. Does she finally realise that they may not have much time left together?
And still she continued to hope, finally plucking up the courage to send that crystal globe to the man she believed did not love her, laying bare her innermost hopes and wishes, allowing herself to be vulnerable, she who always protected herself fiercely from being hurt for so long.
And she has been preparing this globe for, was it 5 years? It has been on her mind for a while, and not simply done out of a whim or as a means of escaping an unwanted marriage like some readers claimed or that it was repaying him for saving her and a final goodbye gift. Unfortunately, she still hedged her bet a bit with that note, it's understandable since it's a very vulnerable act on her part. These people need to learn how to communicate openly and clearly.
I feel like her uncertainty about Xiang Liu's feelings stemmed in large part from her insecurity and lack of confidence in herself. It's that whole being "abandoned" thing again; 'cause that 37 years was a clear indicator. She should have taken a leaf out of Jing's playbook and shamelessly hung on to him for dear life :-).
Xiang Liu deliberately crushed those hopes even though each act shattered his own heart, because he wanted her to have a permanent home, not one where she would be alone again when he was gone.
I loved him for being so selfless, and I also want to smack him for being such a noble selfless ninny!
Was this a change of mind on her part? Cang Xuan is now safe so she doesn't have to worry about him anymore, but the opposing loyalties have always been there and Cang Xuan's slowly consolidating his power hasn't changed that. So why was this no longer a hindrance for her? If anything, with his power consolidated, he can turn his full attention to Shen Nong's Resistance Army and Xiang Liu's ending is drawing closer. Does she finally realise that they may not have much time left together?
At that point in time, she had no idea Cang Xuan would not be satisfied with just the Xuan Yuan kingdom (encompassing the Middle Plains), but would seek to become the master of the entire Great Wilderness. Remember how upset she was when he declared war on Gao Xin down the road? Not forgetting that the Shen Nong army was a perpetual thorn in the side of Xuan Yuan for hundreds of years and never made much inroads into wiping them out. So there is no telling how long that situation would last. While she knew he would never abandon the Shen Nong army, she also believe that if Xiang Liu wanted, he could survive the war. This time, it felt that she was willing to take a chance at happiness with someone she wanted to be with, in hopes that he would want to be with her too.
And she has been preparing this globe for, was it 5 years? It has been on her mind for a while, and not simply done out of a whim or as a means of escaping an unwanted marriage like some readers claimed or that it was repaying him for saving her and a final goodbye gift. Unfortunately, she still hedged her bet a bit with that note, it's understandable since it's a very vulnerable act on her part. These people need to learn how to communicate openly and clearly.
YES. She had it sealed in the North Pole 4 years prior, so it was definitely not a decision she made at the spur of a moment just because the situation had changed. She thought about it long before, and only now gathered her courage to send it to him. Of course the note held a lot of bravado, but then again, that was always very Xiao Liu wasn't it? One last ditch attempt to protect herself in the event he chose to say no. Which he did.
Now, hang on to those blood pressure meds because on top of the changes to the 7-day wait by the ocean, the leaked script also had to literally have her make it as a last gift for him, mulling what to make until her maid (no less) suggested it should be something special. Yeah right.
I feel like her uncertainty about Xiang Liu's feelings stemmed in large part from her insecurity and lack of confidence in herself. It's that whole being "abandoned" thing again; 'cause that 37 years was a clear indicator. She should have taken a leaf out of Jing's playbook and shamelessly hung on to him for dear life :-).
Very true. He was the one person she wanted so much to see the moment she woke up, and he just left her all alone, sending her back without even a word. This time, I wish she could have taken a leaf out of Chapter 43 and clung on to him like there is no tomorrow, tentacled-like grasp and all.
I loved him for being so selfless, and I also want to smack him for being such a noble selfless ninny!
You, me and the rest of us who are waiting in line to knock some sense into him, wishing he would be selfish for once in his life!
but the issue is that she believes he doesn't have any desire to do so because he doesn't love her.
This time, it felt that she was willing to take a chance at happiness with someone she wanted to be with, in hopes that he would want to be with her too.
what i understood from various scene from Chapter 26 to chapter 29 is XY knew XL also had feeling for her but XL had no intention to move forward.
She knews what XL did for her during 37 years: they slept side by side everynight, he embraced her tightly even after feeding her the blood every month.
Xiao Yao acted nonchalantly with a smile “I guessed it. Legend says the merpeople have incredibly melodic voices so from who else in the deep ocean but the merpeople to sing like that?” Xiang Liu didn’t want her to know that when she was unconscious the things he did with her, and she didn’t want him to know that she already knew. Their embraces and companionship, just let it be buried deep in the dark ocean depths! (Chapter 26)
If it wasn't affection feeling, why did both of them want to hide the truth from each other? In the same event, they had a talk about the future:
After Xiang Liu was done eating he said “Let’s go back.”
Xiao Yao didn’t move and continued to stare at the ocean. If it was possible, she really wanted to live like this for the rest of her life.
“Xiao Yao?” Xiang Liu stood before Xiao Yao. She raised her head to stare at him and smiled “Don’t you feel like today was a day we stole to spend together? That there is only now and no tomorrow!”
Xiang Liu was taken aback and said nothing. Xiao Yao pointed to the horizon “What’s over there?”
“Endless ocean.”
“No land?”
“Scattered islands.”
“What kind of islands?”
“Some islands have not even a blade of grass, others as beautiful as a dreamscape.”
Xiao Yao sighed “I really want to go see.”
Xiang Liu remained silent and then whistled once before Furball arrived. He vaulted on its back and Xiao Yao had no choice but to stand up and climb on.
This part of conversation implies her wish to go out freely with him to discover the world. Actually, in the drama, this part was improved and they made it clearer. She said the previous time of grilling fish for him as WXL she found the world big and her alone. This time, she had a home, someone waiting for her but she just wanted to wander the world for lifetime. And when she said that she wanted to go to those island, XL told her to get someone else, he could not accompany her.
So, the novel XY seemed to put her wish of life-time accompany aside, she knew XL had feeling for her but in her opinion XL was not willing or had no intention to be with her. However, she might still have a silver of hope because he did not verbally express his will.
On the opposite, the drama XY expressed her wish of wander the world for lifetime verbally. This also gave XL signal that she still preferred a life-time accompany. And XL also gave her a clear, verbal answer that he would not accompany her.
Placing drama XY aside, let's move on the ice-crystal ball. Before she made that ball, it is worth to mention the meaning of present in her POV.
A gift was such a strange thing. If she had to say what she wanted, then it wasn’t the same getting it anymore. Actually, it didn’t matter what the present was, it mattered what the giver meant. If someone was in the heart, then that person would naturally want to share everyday things with the other so even a wild flower or a rock could be a present.
Xiao Yao leaned against the railing and looked up at the sky. She suddenly remembered her life in Qing Shui Town, the countless muggy Summer nights when they sat outside on the straw pallet, with Lao Mu, Ma Zi, Chuan Zi all jostling with each other, and Shi Qi sitting quietly next to her as she gnawed on a duck neck and drank her plum wine and happily thought about nothing.
Back then, the only tough thing in her life was Xiang Liu.
Qing Shiu Town days seemed so long ago and so far beyond her reach, yet remaining vividly in her memories, leaving Xiao Yao’s eyes wet with tears. (Chapter 28)
XL was the only person that she volunterily gave present which conveyed all of her thought, her emotion and experience (that she wanted to share with him). She spent enormous effort to make the present better looking but not more poisonous, kept making it even in her difficult time. XL also stood out of those familiar faces in her vivid memory of QS town which (I think) was her happiest life time so far for her as an aldult. It is indirect acknowledgment of her feeling to XL. The moment that she started making the ice-crystal ball probably after their farewell in front of Zhu Rong's masion (chapter 29) thus after the conversation with FL. At the time she understood XL's intention that he was not suitable for any woman, his best ending should be in battle field and almost no hope to keep FFB in the mortal realm. The ice ball is her confession to XL of her feeling, her wish to have him but also her impression of his unwillingness. According the to text, it seems that she focused on being with him more than the idea of life-time accompany. Did she avoid thinking of lifetime accompany with him because she knew it was impossible althought he was the one she wanted most. Is that the reason she resisted to answer the last question by XL? Why do I feel that there is a missed opportunity here? What would XL do if he had known that a short accompany with him might be enough for XY? And what if XY were more open about her thought?
Remember how upset she was when he declared war on Gao Xin down the road?
Her reaction, or rather lack of to this whole invasion was one of the things that I disliked in the novel. She forgave Cang Xuan far too easily, IMO. This should have been something that became a permanent crack in their relationship. Cang Xuan using what happened with his parents as essentially an excuse was also an indicator of his character.
Not forgetting that the Shen Nong army was a perpetual thorn in the side of Xuan Yuan for hundreds of years and never made much inroads into wiping them out. So there is no telling how long that situation would last.
The ironic thing is that by supporting Cang Xuan, she effectively hastened Xiang Liu's death :-).
While she knew he would never abandon the Shen Nong army, she also believe that if Xiang Liu wanted, he could survive the war.
Do you think that she really believes that he would be willing to stay alive for her? I feel like it's a bit naive to think that Xiang Liu would stick by the Resistance Army only to the extent of not dying. That's a bit half-assed and Xiang Liu is too honourable to save a life for himself while the rest of his comrades perished.
And is her willingness to be with him conditional on him agreeing to stay alive? If he'd showed up saying "I want to be with you, but I will die with the army", would she have accepted? Maybe he knew that she would have said yes, so he didn't even give her a chance at all.
I was wondering, with the Lovers Bugs, he would have been able to feel her feelings, right? So her love for him; her struggle to suppress it; her internal conflict - he would have been able to feel all of that?
Now, hang on to those blood pressure meds because on top of the changes to the 7-day wait by the ocean, the leaked script also had to literally have her make it as a last gift for him, mulling what to make until her maid (no less) suggested it should be something special. Yeah right.
They are determined to minimize every YaoLiu's indicators, aren't they? When I told my friends that I was incorporating cardiovascular activities into my workout, I bet they didn't think this was the method :-). At this point, I'm just preparing myself for the worst. It's helpful the get all this information now since by the time the second season dropped, I would be numb to the disappointment. It's exposure therapy :-).
I wish she could have taken a leaf out of Chapter 43 and clung on to him like there is no tomorrow, tentacled-like grasp and all.
This is also in character for her as well. She has so little faith in love and is emotionally numb/detached; fighting for love requires a passionate character which Xiao Yao doesn't have.
You, me and the rest of us who are waiting in line to knock some sense into him, wishing he would be selfish for once in his life!
The thing that we loved so much about him is also the thing that drives us mad. The irony is not lost on me.
It also gives context to her mute refusal to answer Xiang Liu's last question when he probed her mind after forcibly taking her away from the wedding.
I missed this part earlier. Can you elaborate on this?
Also, did we ever discuss Xiang Liu's reason or intention in asking those questions? We covered so many topics on this thread.
So, the novel XY seemed to put her wish of life-time accompany aside, she knew XL had feeling for her but in her opinion XL was not willing or had no intention to be with her. However, she might still have a silver of hope because he did not verbally express his will.
On the opposite, the drama XY expressed her wish of wander the world for lifetime verbally. This also gave XL signal that she still preferred a life-time accompany. And XL also gave her a clear, verbal answer that he would not accompany her.
You do make a good point. She clearly knew how he treated her during the time under the ocean, and the "stolen day" they spent together in Vol 2 Ch9 (Chapter 26) was idyllic - the meeting of the fish with short memories, hearing and seeing the mating mercouple, her falling asleep and having a happy dream, waking up in the seashell, getting flustered thinking about the significance of their time together those 37 years, and sensing his quickened heartbeat. At this point in time, she still did not know the name of the bug that was planted in them (which would be revealed to her in Chapter 27). Nonetheless, she also knew about the deal he made with Cang Xuan in return for saving her. Did she truly believe that it was just a transaction at the time? Yes, there is intimacy that only both of them share, but did it signify to her that he loved her? She might suspect (that quickening heartbeat would have been a dead giveaway) but she would not know for sure.
The ice ball is her confession to XL of her feeling, her wish to have him but also her impression of his unwillingness. According the to text, it seems that she focused on being with him more than the idea of life-time accompany. Did she avoid thinking of lifetime accompany with him because she knew it was impossible althought he was the one she wanted most.
I don't think the lifelong companion clause was ever a deal breaker for her when it came to Xiang Liu, but more their opposing stances, because of her loyalty to Cang Xuan. Remember she once told him that she would even settle for short-term companionship if she could not find a lifelong one. Did she ever tell him that she wanted someone who would be with her for life? I can't recall any instance where she did. My understanding is that he inferred those were her heartfelt wishes from the words she used to describe herself - abandoned, with no one to rely on. She had very real fears of being abandoned, waiting in vain. Hence his fixation giving her someone she could rely on for life which automatically excluded himself.
Whatever her original reservations were, I tend to agree that she no longer considered the longevity of the relationship when she sent that appeal to him in the crystal globe. The merman was facing away from her, looking into the distance, while the mermaid had one hand over her heart, and another held out in appeal to him. She was asking him to turn back and take her hand, not to leave her behind. Was it to take her hand and join her world, or take her hand and go on whichever path life had in store for them? Her reaction to Fangfeng Bei's death seemed to imply she did nurse hope that he would choose to stay in the mortal realm where she was - which was the most ideal situation for her, since it meant she still could have both her family and his love. But was that the appeal she sent him? I am still inclined to think she wanted him to take her with him, whichever path he chose to take.
Do you think that she really believes that he would be willing to stay alive for her? I feel like it's a bit naive to think that Xiang Liu would stick by the Resistance Army only to the extent of not dying. That's a bit half-assed and Xiang Liu is too honourable to save a life for himself while the rest of his comrades perished.
No, that was not what I meant. I was referring to her outburst after she found out about his death:
小夭喃喃地说：“虽然我一直警告自己他是玱玹的敌人，可我……我并没有准备好！我好希望一切都是假的……他那么狡猾，想活着总能活着！”
Xiao Yao murmured, "Although I kept reminding myself that he was Cang Xuan's enemy, I... I was totally unprepared! How I wish everything was a lie... he was so cunning, he would have found a way to survive if he wanted to!"
-- Vol 3 Ch18 (Chapter 51)
She knew he could survive if he wished, even though she understood deep down that he would never choose to live while his comrades perished. It was a chance she was willing to take this time, as long as he was willing to give her a home with him.
And is her willingness to be with him conditional on him agreeing to stay alive? If he'd showed up saying "I want to be with you, but I will die with the army", would she have accepted? Maybe he knew that she would have said yes, so he didn't even give her a chance at all.
No, I don't believe her appeal to him was predicated on his staying alive. I mentioned in the previous post to @H19279 that I don't recall her verbally telling him she only sought a lifelong companion. Rather, she herself said if she could not have longterm companionship, even a temporary one was good. What she wanted was for him to take her hand this time, even though she had no certainty that he loved her or would be willing to do so. It is possible that as you said, he understood exactly what she meant, which was why he brutally burnt every bridge that would have made that possible.
I missed this part earlier. Can you elaborate on this?
Also, did we ever discuss Xiang Liu's reason or intention in asking those questions?
The last question he asked and she refused to answer indicated two things. One, was that the person she wanted to spend her whole life with was not Jing or Shi Qi, but someone she could no longer consider - whether it is because he is dead (Fangfeng Bei) or he (Xiang Liu) had made it clear he did not want to take her hand (making her wait in vain when he knew 2 months ago that she was getting married, then humiliating her in the worst possible way by taking her away from the wedding in that fashion). This was his response after she gathered up courage and for someone as passive as herself, actually took the first step to lay bare her heart despite leaving herself vulnerable to being hurt.
As for Xiang Liu, remember how he hesitated before asking that last question, but finally asked anyway. My take is that fourth question was for himself, to hear what was in her heart, even though she had given him various hints, even if he knew he was going to categorically distance himself from her until one day, he was totally out of her life. And her refusal to answer and the subsequent terrible pain because she would not allow herself to think about it, gave him the answer of what was in her heart. For once, the drama actually portrays this better, because when she was finally unconscious, the lovers bug in their hearts glowed in unison with their heartbeats, proof that their hearts remained as one, despite everything that had taken place:
XL: Are you willing to marry Ye Shi Qi?
XY: I am willing.
XL (momentarily hesitant): With whom do you most wish to spend your life with?
Xiao Yao opened her mouth as if to answer, but her expression showed extreme resistance, and she struggled to snap out of the trance. Xiang Liu firmly focused his eyes on her and intensified the spell.
XL (tense): Tell me, with whom do you most wish to spend your life with?
Xiao Yao gripped her head violently, in such pain that her body was shaking.
XY: Ah! It hurts, hurts...
Xiang Liu quickly dispersed the spell, and Xiao Yao collapsed into his arms in pain.
XL: I won't ask anymore, won't ask anymore...
Xiao Yao closed her eyes wearily, her tightly knit brows slowly relaxing.
XY (murmuring): Why...
XL: Because...
Xiang Liu did not continue. His eyes were tender, as if everything he had kept deeply buried inside would finally overflow.
The poisonous bugs in both their hearts emitted a glow in unison with their heartbeats.
Xiang Liu stared at the unconscious Xiao Yao, his voice uncharacteristically gentle.
XL: Have a good sleep. You will forget everything after you wake.
what i understood from various scene from Chapter 26 to chapter 29 is XY knew XL also had feeling for her but XL had no intention to move forward.
I think everything with Xiao Yao comes back to her abandonment issue. She's insecure about her worth and extremely fearful about being left behind again. So she needs a higher level of reassurance - she's very risk-averse when it comes to matters of the heart. For people without her issues, the 37 years are enough proof of Xiang Liu's feelings. He could just visit her once a month to perform the healing ritual instead of all those tender treatments and considerations. However, for for Xiao Yao, she's still uncertain. Combined with XL's refusal to see her after waking up + his loyalty to Shen Nong's Army, and we get the willfully ignorance behaviour i.e. dismiss his behaviour during those 37 years as "transactional". There is a self-protective element to this as well - if I don't allow myself to hope, I won't be disappointed. It's very in character for her. She engaged in a lot of testing and probing with him as well to suss out/gain more evidence of his feelings/intentions towards her/them. Like the conversation that you posted about exploring the world, or the one about if not Feng Long, who should she marry?
The ice ball is her confession to XL of her feeling, her wish to have him but also her impression of his unwillingness.
Yes. The crystal ball's meaning and purpose are many folds. It is her confession as well as an expression of what she sees as his indifference towards her and an entreat to him for an answer to the question contained within the ball: "I love you, but it seems you don't feel the same way. Is my impression true?" I don't think it is just about his unwillingness to be with her, but his feelings for her that she wants a clear answer to.
According the to text, it seems that she focused on being with him more than the idea of life-time accompany. Did she avoid thinking of lifetime accompany with him because she knew it was impossible althought he was the one she wanted most.
For me, the fact that she sent him that crystal ball is an indicator that she was willing to accept their relationship on his terms - she wants to be with him, even if it's only for a short time instead of the lifetime that she would have liked. He had made his ending clear to her. I think she had thought about the situation carefully; weighing the gains and losses before deciding to send the crystal ball. The gain of being with him seems to outweigh the numerous losses that she would have incurred in being with him.
s that the reason she resisted to answer the last question by XL?
Can you elaborate on this point?
Why do I feel that there is a missed opportunity here? What would XL do if he had known that a short accompany with him might be enough for XY? And what if XY were more open about her thought?
This is a tricky question. I think it depends on how much Xiang Liu's decision to not pursue their relationship was because he knew that she was fearful of being abandoned and he could see her hesitation and internal conflict. If Xiao Yao had been direct with Xiang Liu that she was willing to love freely and deal with the consequences as they came, perhaps that would have been enough for him. Or not as he's a noble selfless ninny.
I don't think the lifelong companion clause was ever a deal breaker for her when it came to Xiang Liu, but more their opposing stances, because of her loyalty to Cang Xuan. Remember she once told him that she would even settle for short-term companionship if she could not find a lifelong one.
| @ HeadInTheCloulds I think everything with Xiao Yao comes back to her abandonment issue. She's insecure about her worth and extremely fearful about being left behind again |
I have different opion about the most critical ostacle between XL and XY. Yes, the opposing stances is the direct reason/cause, but the ultimate consequence of that his opposition to Xuan Yuan was that XL would die much earlier than his potential lifespan (as well as her lifespan), which in tern means she would loss him when he died with Shennong army. WXL was smart, he could realize the fate of Shen nong army thus, XL's eventual fate (She mentioned it in Chapter 51). What XY was scared most is being abandoned by her loved one. So if she loved him, let him into her dream, she knew that he would leave her one day, dying together with Shennong army. And then she would be abandoned again. That is the fear that is worse than death. She once said he was not suitable to get in girls' dream. It's general term for girl, many of them would not have the problem of political opposition as her and XL. It's because he would die and left the girl behind.
Yes, XY once told XY that “I am scared of loneliness. I can’t find a constant forever then a temporary companion is fine.” However, the context of the line dated back very early of their relationship and those people like Mazi. Lao Mu, Chuanzi were like friends, relatives to her, not direct bloodline relatives or true lover. For XY, the ulmost criteria for ther husband is someone that put her first, never abandoned her. This in its turn is proportional to a life-time companionship.
How did XL percieve XY's wish? He knew XY wanted "someone to rely on, a place to return". Besides that, he also knew she was scared of loneliness; "gain and loss" was also important to XY; and she was loyal to CX. What did he understand from her scare of letting him in her dream? I think he understood she meaned loving someone like him but then losing the loved one was worse than death. There is no mention of political opposition in their conversation on the sea near the Dragon Bone Prison. Later in chapter 29, XY also asked him why it was difficult to find accompany partner. XL undertood it as long term partner rather than temporary one. Therefore, from XL's POV, he could realize that he would not suitable for the one that XY could rely on. Because he would perish with Shen-nong army then XY would be left behind alone.
Additionally, I found in many analysis said that he experienced the feeling of losing loved one when XY was almost dead in the Plum forest incident. I know that you are in doubt that the unending spiritual power stream transfered to XY came from XL. For me, I strongly believe it was XL's. "the spiritual power was so sad and devastated. Even the power was crying and Xiao Yao couldn’t even imagine how heartbroken the owner of the spiritual power was." He was so heartbroken that he might not want his lover or the one who loved him experience such feeling especially XY had experienced a lot of loss, loneliness in her life. That was the reason he gradually pushed her away after the 37 year under the sea.
Also, did we ever discuss Xiang Liu's reason or intention in asking those questions? We covered so many topics on this thread.
Therefore, in my opinion, the matter of "someone to rely on" = " accompany in life" is the most critical issue between them. It is also his most concern and the reason for the last question "Who do you most want to spend your entire life with?” (the question can be translated as "who do you most want to accompany each other in your entire life ?")
"一个问题就在嘴边，可相柳竟然犹豫不决，一瞬后，他问道：“你最想和谁相伴一生？”
相伴 = accompany each other; 一生: one's entire/all life
XL understood XY very well. He knew that marriage was not important for XY. Marriage in her eyes was just an official way to have an accompany partner. And in XL's view, he understood her ultimate wish as companionship for entire life.
So, my view is combining the text in chapter 26, 28 and the ice-crystal ball somehow implies that at that time it seems she did not prioritize the wish of life-time companionship, she thought that he had no intention of being with her. It seems that she was willing to follow him no matter how long it would last. However, she also avoid thinking about the matter of "accompany for the entire life". She was well awared that XL could not be with her for her entire life. For XL, asking that question is a kind of verify his thought/decision, a kind of comfort his selfishness (I think he predicted she wanted him most). Her resistance to answer that question confirmed his prediction (the unspoken answer was understood as XL) but on the other hand, it also confirmed XY still refused to face the core issue (from his view)
Xiao Yao opened her mouth to answer but her expression showed her internal struggle as her mind refused to let her say what her heart felt.
After multiple struggles she became more and more pained and her body began to shake as she clutched her head “Hurt…..hurt…..” Xiang Liu had used his power to try and see into Xiao Yao’s heart but Xiao Yao’s mind was too strong willed. If she encountered something that even she refused to think about, then she would unexpectedly oppose answering it and the headache was the result of her refusal to answer the question. (Chapter 32).
She was asking him to turn back and take her hand, not to leave her behind. Was it to take her hand and join her world, or take her hand and go on whichever path life had in store for them? Her reaction to Fangfeng Bei's death seemed to imply she did nurse hope that he would choose to stay in the mortal realm where she was -
I agree with you that she still nursed the hope that he would choose to stay in the mortal realm. She kept that hope until she heard his confirmation that FFB was dead. That scenerio was the best for her.
Xiao Yao murmured, "Although I kept reminding myself that he was Cang Xuan's enemy, I... I was totally unprepared!
@Liddi,
Before she said this sentece, she said this one first:
" Xiao Yao’s face was ashen white but she kept muttering the same lie over and over “I’m fine! I was already prepared…..when I first met him I knew this day would come! I always knew!" (Chapter 51)
She already knew he would die (soon, in comparison with deity standard) since the first moment. In her conversation with Xuan, WXL also said
“You and Nine-lives Xiang Liu are…..very close?” Xiao Liu thought “This question isn’t suitable to be answered when drinking.”
“Then drink a few more bowls then answer.”
Xuan poured Xiao Liu a big bowl and Xiao Liu drank it “I’m scared of him, but I don’t dislike him. I am not enemies with him, but also not friends.” (Chapter 6)
When XL asked WXL if he was scared in the 2nd time he sucked WXL's blood. WXL said he was not scared. Why did WXL start saying he was scared of XL from this time? It is after many event that they shared together including the incident in the pool when both of them got arousal. Her scare was falling in love with XL (because he would die and left her behind, meaning she was scared of being abandoned by him because of his death).
Using CX's enermy is the most obvious, convenient and reasonable excuse for herself as well as to tell other people. Certainly it is also very important reason especially since CX became king but during the time in QS town, the future of CX was uncertain, he was even a hostage in Gaoxin and I don't think XY had much affection to her grandfather and Xuan Yuan. Moreover, XY had never worried about CX's safety while FFB was around. Her perception was one day XL would fight against Xuan Yuan (which might be under CX's ruling) in "proper" war and she knew in advance the winning side. This is also reflected in Yellow Emperor talk to her:
Xiao Yao casually said “It’s because you and Zhuan Xu are here that I don’t dare be impetuous and do what I want. My bloodline has destined me to be tied down so why even bother? If I said right now that I’m going to find Xiang Liu to play with, will you agree?”
The Yellow Emperor grew silent and seemed very concerned “I won’t agree. Zhuan Xu and he are destined to battle to the death one day. I don’t want you to be devastated when that day comes. Anything else you want, I will do my best to give it to you" (chapter 29)
Yellow emperor knew very well what type of man that XY wanted - the one who put her first, never abandoned her. He knew the battle to the death was ahead of XL. XY would be devasted not only because her most loved ones fighting each other but also XL would be destined to die (there is no chance for Shennong army). Yellow emperor would not worry so much about CX's safety. As emperor, CX was well protected and he didn't need to directly go the battle.
At this point in time, she still did not know the name of the bug that was planted in them (which would be revealed to her in Chapter 27). Nonetheless, she also knew about the deal he made with Cang Xuan in return for saving her. Did she truly believe that it was just a transaction at the time? Yes, there is intimacy that only both of them share, but did it signify to her that he loved her? She might suspect (that quickening heartbeat would have been a dead giveaway) but she would not know for sure.
XY heard about the name of the poison bug in the end of chapter 26 meaning right after the excursion with XL and before the the talk with FL. Now looking back to that event maybe there is answer for the reason why she was willing to follow XL and she put the criteria of 'life-time" companionship aside.
Before meeting Se Mai Er, she still required compansionship in life when talking with CX about man that she wanted:
Zhuan Xu asked “What kind of man do you want?”
“My companion in life, dispel loneliness, nothing else matters. But the critical element is that he can’t have another woman! Otherwise I’ll castrate him!”
The talk with Se Mai Er provided some information of the name/type of the poison bug
Se Mai Er explained “Most voodoo bugs are parent-child bugs. The parent bug can control the child bug, and this kind of bug is easy to raise and easy to plant. But legend has it there is a rare extremely difficult to raise and plant bug. That bug has a gender difference and is split into a male bug and a female bug. It is hard to raise and even harder to plant. If a woman raised the bug, she needs to find a man to plant it. If a man raised the bug, he needs to find a woman to plant it. Almost always this bug is raised but cannot be planted even in a lifetime. So this bug remains just a legend in Jiu Li.”
“What kind of bug is it?”
“I don’t know what kind of bug it is but I do know its name. It’s called a Lover’s Bug and legend says “Lover’s Bug, Heart to Heart.” It sounds a lot like what Princess described.”
Xiao Yao was stunned and in a daze. She then asked “If a woman raised the bug, she needs to find a man to plant it in. But this world had plenty of men and women, how hard would it be to plant the bug! How could this bug be so hard to plant a lifetime could pass and it still wouldn’t be planted?”
Her reaction after the meeting is
Xiao Yao watched until Se Mai Er’s figure was gone from sight and she turned to look East where Qing Shui Town was, and beyond that, where the vast ocean laid. Xiao Yao murmured “Lover’s Bug?”
Xiao Yao had so many thoughts going through her mind so she sent Shan Hu and Miao Pu back first so she could slowly walk up the mountain path back to Zhi Jin Summit.
What did she think of after hearing it was "lovers' bug, heart to heart" ?
With such special name, the gender of the bug and corresponding gender of host, she probably had the idea about the connection between the bug growers: lovers. “I want to remove the voodoo bug linking us. The Tu Shan Madam had a doctor from the Jiu Li tribe who said that…….our bug might be the legendary Lover’s Bug. This bug is used by lovers…..and you and I…..it’s not suitable!” (Chapter 29) She didn't only look toward where QS town was but beyond that - the vast ocean. She probably recalled the memory in the sea - the 37 years. So if she was confused of his feeling before at least with this info, she was more certain of his feeling for her.
I also wonder if the book Jiu Li Poison Voodoo Manual included any information about the Lovers' bug. The book, written by the Voodoo king, was specialized on the use of Poison and the use of poison bugs (or the art of poison bugs). The reason that the lovers' bug was told in legend because it was so rare to encounter in real life. Voodoo king was mortal race, so the knowledge was short lived in each king generation. But the information about it was still transfered across the history. Thus there is high chance that the Poison voodoo manual covered some basic information about Lovers' bug, including the life and heart connection. Why did she mention that there were 2 things that could no be controlled: Life and death. Of course, birth is obviously out of her control. But why was death too? People could commit suicide, right? if they were sick they could try to be curer. Why couldn't she control her death? Did she aware that her life now somehow tied to XL's life? It's likely. Therefore, the matter of life-time accompany (with XL) or in other words being abandoned by him due to his death became less relevant. And actually CX's advice about controlling other things between life and death became meaningful for her and somehow it gave her hope.
“I thought too much and couldn’t figure it out, so I stopped thinking. Actually, life is really futile, no matter how strong and powerful, there are two things in life that cannot be controlled.”
Zhuan Xu raised his eyebrow “Oh? What two things? Do share!”
“Life! Death! We can’t control our birth and can’t control our death. Sometimes I think since we can’t control the biggest two things in our lives, why fight for all the little insignificant things? It feels so pointless!”
Zhuan Xu laughed “Dummy, can’t you look at it from another angle? Because we can’t control life and death, we have to fight to control the others so that everything between life and death is fully under our control. For example, you’re not happy right now and I’ve decided that no matter what I will make you happy again.”
Because of the last thing Zhuan Xu said, everything felt meaningful again. There was a hint of laughter in Xiao Yao’s eyes but she pretended to be all stern and said “Fine, you make me happy then!”
Moreover, Se Mai er also told XY about the death of Tushan Hou's wife. She was example of bad ending, short life when giving her heart to a wrong man. Did it make her to think that life might be not that long as she had thought and living with wrong man could be highly tolled
I would like to mark the chronical detail of XY-XL during the period after Jing got married until the wedding robery:
- Excursion under the sea after CX's wedding (Chapter 26)
- Knowing the type of the poison bug between them might be lovers' bug: thinking of the sea and uncontrolling of death; had some idea that bug were share between lovers (Chapter 26)
- Dream of FFB and XL: swimming toward Bei but turn away when Bei becoming XL. Cried during the sleep (Chapter 27)
- Accept FL's proposal. XY said about people she met in the past: one with feeling but powerless, one was able but no intention/or feeling for her. Remind about meaning of gift and recall life in QS town where XL was standout as her only suffering thing (Chapter 28) which will be discussed in another post.
- CX became Emperor. Conversation with Yellow emperor about wanting to go out with XL (but unable to do so) (Chapter 29)
- Encounter XL in the casino: told him that she could not make poison after marriage and asked him to go the Jiu Li to remove the bug. Later went to the donkey meat seller's when XL said woman should not follow him, best ending for soldiers is on battle field, discussion about accompany and farewell in front of Xiao Zhurong's masion. (Chapter 29)
- Started being depression (end of chapter 29)
- Start making the ice-crystal ball (about 2 years after the engagement with FL)
- CX married Xing Yue 3 year after corronation. XY went back to Gaoxin and stayed there for 13 months, got better. Forced to return to Shennong by CX (3 year CX on throne + 13 month) (Chapter 30)
- then fell into depression again: "I suffered from pain, and I was discouraged about everything " when Yellow Emperor asked about FFB (Chapter 31). Then XY took medical lesson.
- FL asked for the wedding (2 year after XY returned Shen-nong) (Chapter 31). XY sent the crystal ball 2 month before the wedding (5 times of normal price). said goodbye to Jing.
- XL looked at the ball by the river (chapter 31)
- Wedding robery, FFB's death, the 4 questions (chapter 32)
I know that you are in doubt that the unending spiritual power stream transfered to XY came from XL. For me, I strongly believe it was XL's.
Oh, I guess you missed my post back then when I categorically analysed why I am finally convinced the desolate surge of power came from Xiang Liu.
You have a point that the name of the bug might have given her a clue as to the requirement in order to plant such a bug successfully, which would in turn give her the last-ditch courage to make the appeal to him. The chronological order of events certainly supports this claim - thank you so much for listing it. That sequence of events actually makes me even more sympathetic towards Xiao Yao, because when you think about it, ultimately her choice was pretty much taken from her, her path decided no matter what she did. Would Xiang Liu have done any different if she never gave any indication that she wanted a lifelong companion, or that she always believed one should grasp happiness where one can, regardless of how short it is? Would he have been willing to grasp happiness with her, however shortlived? Why didn't they look at Chi Chen and A Heng, and see a blessed couple, instead of a tragic one? Then again, if they did, would we still be in pain now?
I have different opion about the most critical ostacle between XL and XY. Yes, the opposing stances is the direct reason/cause, but the ultimate consequence of that his opposition to Xuan Yuan was that XL would die much earlier than his potential lifespan (as well as her lifespan), which in tern means she would loss him when he died with Shennong army.
I don't think our opinions differed here. We both agree that being abandoned is Xiao Yao's worst fear (it's her defining characteristic, IMO), thus, Xiang Liu's commitment to fight and die with the Shen Nong's Army and effectively "abandoning" her is a huge weight on her. The other factors all play intertwining parts. Her belief that he doesn't love her adds to this weight - why would she risk facing her worst fear when he doesn't even love her - as does the fact that she would be going against her family if she chose to be with him.
Xiao Yao sensed her attraction and vulnerability to Xiang Liu early on and tried to stop them from developing further. This was part of the reason why she agreed to the 15-year promise with Jing (as a self-protection barrier) and her adamant refusal to kiss Xiang Liu outside the Bone Prison. Unfortunately for Xiao Yao, feelings are not something that you can choose to have or not have - the only thing that you can choose is to act on it or not. So despite her efforts, Xiang Liu has already entered her dreams and entered her heart. Because she was so fearful of loving then ultimately losing him, Xiao Yao engaged in willful ignorance and self-deception as a means of self-protection. His being her family enemy is one as does minimizing/dismissing any evidence that he also loves her.
Did she aware that her life now somehow tied to XL's life? It's likely. Therefore, the matter of life-time accompany (with XL) or in other words being abandoned by him due to his death became less relevant.
Your observation above is a good one. Maybe because she realized that her life is tied to Xiang Liu so if he dies then she'll also die. Perhaps this also contributed to her decision as it effectively eliminated her worst fear from the equation. That, plus her conversation with Cang Xuan. Xiao Yao has been living in fear of the future that she had not considered the present and her conversation with Cang Xuan reminded her that the present is all that she has and all that she can control.
Her resistance to answer that question confirmed his prediction (the unspoken answer was understood as XL) but on the other hand, it also confirmed XY still refused to face the core issue (from his view)
I think finding out about the name of the Lovers Bugs suggests Xiang Liu might also love her and this gave her some extra courage. IMO, by the time she sent that crystal ball to him, she had considered everything carefully before deciding that she was willing to risk facing her worst fear of eventually losing him in exchange for being with him for however long they had - be it in the guise of FFB or as Xiang Liu.
I don't think her refusal to answer his last question was because she wasn't willing to face the issue of his ultimate demise, but rather because his refusal to show up effectively confirmed one of her fears - that he doesn't love her and isn't willing to be with her. She doesn't want to think about let alone admit out loud that the person she wants to be with doesn't want to be with her.
Additionally, I found in many analysis said that he experienced the feeling of losing loved one when XY was almost dead in the Plum forest incident. I know that you are in doubt that the unending spiritual power stream transfered to XY came from XL. For me, I strongly believe it was XL's
I also agree that the devasting spiritual power was Xiang Liu's and not Jing's. I mentioned way back that his attitude changed drastically following the assassination and the 37 years under the sea. From that point on, he started to retreat and it's possible that experiencing the devastation of her near-death showed him what it would be like for her to lose him so he decided to spare her from that pain.
On another although related note what are everyone's opinions on Xiao Yao's reaction/behaviour during the month in Qing Shui following the wedding snatching?
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