The Corrupted Wishing Game

Granted but you have to use low heat

I wish I could read people's minds.

Granted but you have to come to Japan ;)

I wish I could travel the time

Granted but you can't do anything for yourself.

I wish to have healing powers. 

Granted, but you just walked in on your parents practicing having another kid. You run to your grandparents' house only to find out they are in the middle of hosting a senior strip class. You decide to seek refuge at your sister and brother in law's home. You get the picture. Of course you do, and you can never forget...

I wish I could always know who sang any song I heard.

Granted but you have to face them anyway

I wish I would gain muscles instead of fat when eating delicious food

Granted but your tears don't turn into pearls when you cry. 

I wish I knew how to cook. 

Granted, but now your late fee for an overdue book becomes a 20 year prison sentence.

I wish I could get a loaf of sliced bread home without it being smashed.

Granted, but they change the story to more accurately match the title. Now it is a documentary about the somewhat dangerous, and often inky lives of squid fisherman.

I wish there were no broken pieces or crumbs in bags of frozen food.