Thank you very much for your insightful analysis into the evolution of Xiao Yao's journey to healing from the scars of her childhood that shaped who she became as an adult.liddi:
Thanks liddi. I appreciate the feedback.
What always struck me about Xiang Liu's role in her life, is how he differs from the other men who love her. Yes, he wanted to protect her, and did so many many times
However, he knew he could not be there for her forever, while her words about being unable to protect herself always stayed with him, and these words (as well as her other two wishes) would shape his actions from there on. And so he made provision to ensure that she would never need to be reliant on anyone to protect her,
He wanted her to be strong, to break free and live life to the fullest, even if he was not there to see it, to experience it with her.
Yes!!! The way that Xiang Liu loved is one of my favourite things about him. For me, personally, the most wonderful way to love someone is to uplift and empower them, to teach them to be independent of you. Life is unpredictable, and you want the person you love to be able to stand on their own and continue on when you leave them one day (planned or unplanned). It's that whole, "it's better to teach someone how to fish than to give them a fish". The first creates dependency, the second is true power. Needing your partner to depend on you, to need you, isn't really love, IMO. It just screams insecurity. Love is a partnership, supporting and leaning on each other, but being able to exist as two independent people at the same time.
Xiang Liu's love is also free of possessiveness. He doesn't need to be with Xiao Yao, to have Xiao Yao by his side (although that would be nice, of course) in order to treat her well. He would have done the same thing even if she didn't love him inreturn. He wants her happiness simply because he loves her, and that gives him joy.
However, in the end, he was the final crutch that had to be taken away from her before she could finally break through.
Throughout the entire novel, he was Xiao Yao's crutch - the one she instinctively trusted to always save her, whatever danger she found herself in.
The Lovers Bugs make the metaphorical crutch almost literal - "blood and life joined, heart and mind together, one hurts, the other will also hurt, one injured, the other will also be injured.". As long as they are tied together she is safe and protected. He's the anchor that allowed her to be a bit more reckless, a bit more bold - allowed her to venture further. It's the security that she lost as a child and desperately needed. But, at some point, she has to be able to anchor herself, because no one can stay with you forever. That's what it means to be a fully realized adult - being able to sail the sea of life, confident in your ability to withstand the waves and anchor yourself when needed. Your loved ones can sail beside you, but you have to take the journey yourself (sorry, getting carried away by this sailing metaphor :-))
And that outpouring of grief gave her the strength to grasp the life she wanted at last, to leave the shackles behind for a place which would always remind her of him.
So why do I feel so much sadness that this was the steep price she had to pay for her to finally become whole?
Thematically, Xiang Liu has to die for Xiao Yao to finally achieve the much-needed character growth.
Unthematically, Xiang Liu is a fully realized character on his own, and his ending leaves all of us who love who he is and what he represents with that feeling of not wanting to yield to the unfairness/unjust of it all.
As for Xiao Yao, it's the bitter-sweetness of having a chance for a once-in-a-lifetime love, but losing it because you didn't have the courage to reach for it. As you said, that is a steep price to pay. Life has a way of making you learn your lesson, whether you want to or not, and the longer it takes you, the steeper the price.
MengXiang:
@19279
Still deciding if I agree if she likes YSQ or not. But you raise a very interesting point.
Does XY see TSJ and YSQ as one person or 2. You think she likes Jing but not 17? I would agree that she didn't like 17 when he was 17, or not seriously yet. You don't think she eventually saw them as one person. She definitely yearns for 17 companionship.
I like that she dreams of both FFB and XL because she likes both aspects of him. She loves the complete him. It's sweet.
I say yes, she sees Jing and 17 as two separate people. Her answers to those questions asked by Xiang Liu are telling, IMO. She was willing to marry 17, but couldn't respond when the person was Jing. If she likes Jing so much, then why wouldn't she be willing to marry him, but willing to marry 17? It's because what she wants is a companion that will never leave her and 17 fits that bill, whereas Jing doesn't. So does she like Jing or even 17???
HeadInTheClouds:
I say yes, she sees Jing and 17 as two separate people. Her answers to those questions asked by Xiang Liu are telling, IMO. She was willing to marry 17, but couldn't respond when the person was Jing. If she likes Jing so much, then why wouldn't she be willing to marry him, but willing to marry 17? It's because what she wants is a companion that will never leave her and 17 fits that bill, whereas Jing doesn't. So does she like Jing or even 17???
The thing is Jing didn’t regard himself and 17 were 1 person. 17 could be with WXL but 17 could not deserve to XY. He had to be TSJ so that he could be able to qualify for princess’s partner. He used 17’s handicap to anchor XY’s sympathy and exploited her softhearted to make the deal of 15 years. However as long as he carried the family responsibility, he was not 17. XY regarded him in a similar way: Jing had family burden who didn’t put her as first choice, he failed her trust many times. Only 17 (no attachments with his family, fully dedicated to her, weaker than her, dependent on her ) met her requirement. The conversation between Jing and XY after Jing woke up after 37 years represented the nature of their relationship: Jing just wanted to be by XY's side regardless of what type of feeling she had for him; and she just needed someone who never abandoned her regardless of real love. YSQ is the optimal, ideal person for that purpose. YSQ is a kind of prototype produced from XY's criteria.
Jing struggled against the pallet trying to get up so Xiao Yao hurriedly helped him. He immediately embraced her and she was embarrassed and said “Jing Ye is watching!”
Jing didn’t care and said “Xiao Yao, I hoped to be your husband, to openly be able to have you. But you are a Princess and only the identity of Tu Shan Jing can match up to you. So that is why I was reluctant to throw away the only chance I could openly marry you. But I was wrong! I don’t want to be Tu Shan Jing anymore, if I can’t openly have you it doesn’t matter. Even if I have no position in your life, if all I am is your slave, then that is fine with me. I just want to be by your side and look after you.”
Xiao Yao forgot Jing Ye and asked “Jing, do you really see me as important as your life?”
Jing said “No, I see you as more important than my life. Xiao Yao, you resented me for saying I wasn’t good enough for you yet I refused to let go. Actually, I know that you can go on just fine without me. I know that Fang Fang Bei is more suitable for you. But I can’t let you go, as long as I am alive then I can’t! I’m sorry, I’m sorry…..”
Xiao Yao clamped her hands over his mouth “You idiot! All I want is someone who would hold me tightly and never abandon me no matter what!” Xiao Yao’s forehead was pressed against Jing’s forehead “You can’t let me go, I really like that!”
So who did XY like? Jing or YSQ?
In my opinion, Jing used and borrowed XY's connection with YSQ as the foundation for his relationship with XY. He used money and support so that CX helped him to approach and have time with XY. What was his identity since XY became woman till their 1st planned wedding? He was Jing. XY saw his potential to become YSQ, therefore she gave it a trial. Her emotion relationship with Jing is similar to her observations towards Tian Er and Chuan zi's relationship. XY could compare herself with Tian Er. She had a cold heart, too when she accepted the deal of 15 years with Jing. She gave her and him a trial. She did test him during the first period of their relationship (from Bone dragon prison till her assassination and 37 years to see if he committed to her. Did she fall into him during this period? NO. The itimacy in Zhu Rong's masion was a kind of fake affection, started with her sympathy. Additionally, FFB's absence (went back to QS Town) was also catalyst for XY's emotion for Jing. whenever XL or FFB created a kind of weak spot in her heart, she would always poured affection to Jing as a kind of compensation for the missing part from XL/FFB. But she didn't love or like Jing seriously before the assasination. During 37 years under the sea, she didn't think of any men (i.e, Jing, YSQ or CX) except looking forwards to XL's presence.
Tian Er knelt down “Twelves years as a prostitute and my heart is cold and hard. Even now I don’t believe Chuan Zi won’t discard me one day and plans to live an entire lifetime with me. But I can try it, if Chuan Zi really wants to be with me….” Tian Er raised her hand “I solemnly swear to the Heavens that I will be true to him.”
Xiao Liu started nattering “This is actually an interesting gamble. Tian Er doesn’t believe Chuan Zi will want to be with her forever so right now she’s giving him all fake affection. But the more Tian Er is nice to him, the more Chuan Zi is nicer to her. The fake affection will gradually be mixed with real feeling, and as a lifetime passes even the false becomes true. But during this process it’s not without risk. Tian Er is gambling with her heart and if Chuan Zi dared to discard her then one of them is going to end up dead.”
The turning point in Jing-XY relationship is when she was back and realized he treasured her life and willing to die with her, putting her ahead of himself. Again, she vented her love for XL during 37 year (but he sent her back and refused to see her) to Jing again. She is more committed with her choice this time since he proved to her that he could put her first which he did not show it before (he could not solve the problem with FFYY). So the fake affection was gradually mixed with real feeling.
Jing Ye cried “Master would rather be burned to death then leave the already dead you. Princess, how can you now know Master’s heart? He wants to be with you whether in life or in death!”
Xiao Yao turned to look at Jing and murmured “You really are so broken over me that you are seeking death?”
Xiao Yao felt the shell around her heart shatter completely, all those threads that she tried to cut all those times finally weaved together into a web at last.
The web that weaved from the threads that she tried to cut all those time (all kind of testing) implied her commitment to the choice of Jing. However, after that Jing still had his family issue. He even became clan leader which means more family responsibilities (work, family's rule of staying away from politics), harder to cancel the engagement with FFYY. XY almost lost hope. At that time, FFB brought her to the casino to show her a slim ray of hope, consistance with the aim could lead to success (as left ear is the example). Thus, she tried further, wanted to help his grandmom. Unfortunately, FFYY got pregnant. Her hope shattered. Her blood vomitting showed her deep dissappointment, not only of him but also of herself.
Zhuan Xu carefully placed Xiao Yao on the pallet and she used her sleeve to wipe the blood from her lip and smiled “Don’t worry, this is a congealed blood clot on my heart, it’s better to spit it out.”
Xiao Xiao brought the doctor and rushed there but Xiao Yao said “Really no need!”
Zhuan Xu glared at her and Xiao Yao had no choice but to hand her wrist to the doctor and after he examined her he signed to Zhuan Xu.
Ah Nian read the sign language and explained to Xiao Yao “He said you are suddenly so distraught that your spirit couldn’t move through your body, but to keep your sorrow tamped down it caused harm to your heart and what you spit out was a congealed blood clot on your heart. It’s better now and you have to rest well in the coming days and not to have wild mood swings.”
What kind of sorrow did she tamp down? Is that only because of FFYY's pregnancy? Just before going to visit Jing's grandmom, she met FFB and he told that she graduated, no more lesson from him. They had half a day for farewell but nothing was described. Does it means it left a big blank, empty space in her heart? Then she went to Qing Qiu, wholeheartedly and hard working for 7 days to make pill for Jing's grandmom. In the end she got the news of FFYY's pregnancy (directly by her diagnosis, even more ironically). And because of her dignity, she held those sorrow up and only threw them out when return to her home. Jing disappointed her multiple times, she placed her hope on wrong person and FFB started parting from her life all contributed to her reaction.
The second reunion between Jing and XY after the marriage robbery also started with Tian Er's philosophy. From XY's word to Jing, it was clear that her previous feeling was not typical as love. She admitted that she liked him.
Xiao Yao gestured for Jing to be silent and let her finish “Xan Tian Er said that a person’s life was liking walking a mountain road with no clue what to expect. People want a partner for the walk to assist and help. I promised to walk the road with you but I was always pessimistically waiting. It was like if we went to climb a mountain and agreed to do it together, but when I saw you heading down the wrong path, I didn’t stop you and let you continue the wrong way. So I saw a drop and didn’t help you from falling and instead stood to the side watching coldly.”
"Fang Feng Yi Yang was sure to use your personality and your regret against you. But I did nothing, I didn’t even warn you. I stood to the side and watched. My childhood made me pessimistic about human emotions, I feel like nothing will last forever and no one can be relied on. I never truly believed in you and I didn’t want to make the effort first. So when what I expected happened, I felt like it was exactly as I predicted! I know people can’t be trusted! But I didn’t know that what we put in is what we get back. We need to make the effort to achieve the ending we want. Xan Tian Er said that I never planted the seeds and tilled the field, how can I expect to reap the crop in the end?”
There were tears in Xiao Yao’s eyes “Every night I think about the fault and knew that I was wrong. My own pessimistic personality and attitude, my own distrust of others, it caused me to lose the man I like. If I made a bit more effort, said more or did more, perhaps the result would be completely different."
And after taking a lot of lessons and working together, Jing and XY finally could go back with each other. His ostacle such as his grandmom, FFYY and her son were solved or dead. Jing at that point was very similar to YSQ except that he still had the clan business to take care. He could spend a lot of time for XY. And he almost met all her criteria as partner. They got engaged in chapter 38. Despite several year being together, her reaction when he proposed to her was still as if an innocent girl first time hearing love confession, very shy. She used to be specialist in infertility, they had been together for long time, how come that the reaction remained the same - shyness? Was that because she still didn't love him. She didn't know how a person in love should be to act?
Moreover, Jing wanted to get marriage as soon as possible. However XY wanted to finish the medical book first which would take a lot of time. She delayed the wedding. Did her reaction match a loving person after overcome so many obstacles to finally happy ending? The reason for that is she was not over the other pain, the pain of losing her real love - XL.
It took 42 years to finished the book. after the busy time, XY was excited of doing nothing. She visited White Emperor, and then thought of open a clinic in Zhiyi. Still she didn't think of the wedding or living together with Jing. Jing on the opposite, he pushed for the wedding and XY had no other reason to delay the wedding.
Jing's missing just short time before the wedding date made a big blow to XY. Her reaction and emotion after his missing proved that she did have affection for Jing. It exactly matched her prediction with Tian Er; as time passed, the false feeling became true. Did she love him oronly like? It is subjective for each individual. However, with regard to her reaction when XL rescued her in the sea (chapter 43), it can be said that her "love" for Jing was not deep at all. There are several discussion on chapter 43 already.
After 7 years of missing, Jing came back on time to prevent XY from becoming Royal Mother. He also cut off his responsibility with Tushan clan. He could fully focus on XY as his wish. He completed the tranformation to YSQ in term of "family workload", health condition.
When XY returned to the ocean, taking the first step to really overcome her trauma as @Liddi and @HeadInTheClouds mentioned, she would grow, maybe back to WXL typed person but a better of version of WXL, a vivid, brave WXL yet no more burden from trauma of abandon. Compared with WXL-YSQ in QS town time, XY role would become even more dominant because the sea is more compatible for her but not for him. He would be more dependent on her.
So in the scene when the royal mother said she broke the bugs. Did he really believe the RM did it herself? However, the most importance is the bug connection was broken. He was too happy because XY could survise regardless of XL's fate. A smart person as him could sense something illogical when RM suddently changed the topic when Ah Bi coughed and he understood clearly the characteristics of the bug that they always existed in pair. If XY's bug was broken? what would happen to XL's bug? Anyway, he did not care. He and perhaps also XY chose to believe RM as convinient excuse so that they can keep on living their wayH19279:
I agree. Someone as sharp as him would not have readily believed that tale based on Sir Bi's unusual prompting, but ultimately it didn't matter to him, as long as the bug was removed, which was his only concern. By the same token, I would think that Cang Xuan would not have believed that tale either - the fact that Xiao Yao woke up so soon after the Royal Mother specifically said she could not wake her, and now the removal of the bug would have alerted him to Xiang Liu's part in all this, even if he had no idea what kind of bug tied them both. Similarly, I am of the opinion it was a convenient tale that they could hide behind and ignore, especially since there are now no scruples when bearing down on Xiang Liu in war.
As for Xiao Yao, deep down inside, surely she must at least suspect who really removed the bug. But as always, she continued to live in denial until she could no longer do so with his death.
Especially the choice of words and the way the sentences was arranged gave me a total different meaning, with more emphasis on XL survival as a fortunate thing due to CX love to XY as opposite to a by product of XY‘s survival. Th‘s why read it as TSJ’s concern for XL and found it out of character.luv2bafangurl:
Hm... perhaps it was poor translation on my part? Let me try and rephrase...
涂山璟 (VO)：幸好玱玹和小夭感情深厚，如果有朝一日真到了那一步，蛊还是解不了，玱玹应该会为了小夭，对相柳手下留情。
TSJ (VO): It is fortunate that Cang Xuan and Xiao Yao have a deep relationship. Should the day come when it gets to that point and the bug still could not be removed, for Xiao Yao, Cang Xuan would surely be merciful to Xiang Liu.
I don't like the way it reads, but does this make it any better?
My own pessimistic personality and attitude, my own distrust of others, it caused me to lose the man I like.
I read the novel 2 months ago and I forgot she admitted to Jing she liked him, not loved him. Interesting, very interesting :)
The posts here changed my mind. I don't think Xiao Yao loves both guys anymore. She likes Jing while she loves Xiang Liu. She's just settling for Jing because of reasons that were already said in this thread.
Elise:
I read the novel 2 months ago and I forgot she admitted to Jing she liked him, not loved him. Interesting, very interesting :)
The posts here changed my mind. I don't think Xiao Yao loves both guys anymore. She likes Jing while she loves Xiang Liu. She's just settling for Jing because of reasons that were already said in this thread.
THIS
Many, many thanks for that entire post-H19279. I knew you ladies would come through :-). To me, that scene/exchange suggested that Jing deliberately chose not to use his TuShan Jing identity because he didn't want WYL to escape. Because, like it said, he knew that once WYL was gone he probably would never be able to find Xiao Yao again.
He's a shady person. I'm giving him major side eye every time I see him now.
For his personal gain (keeping XY within his reach AND away from Xiang Liu), he deliberately sold her out to CX, when he knew that she did not want to go back to Hao Ling. And then he quickly moved to get that 15-year promise from her in the Bone prison - further blocking her from developing things with Xiang Liu. Just thinking of all his talks of love after makes my skin crawl. That's nasty.
I'm ready to sentence him ....
Even when I was still a Jinger, I thought that 15 year promise was wrong. Absolutely disgusting and manipulative behavior. She could have developed things with FFB/XL but that promise shackled her to Jing..... Remember when XY wouldn't give XL the air kiss? Aside from "You're not suitable to be in a girl's dreams", could another reason be because of her promise to Jing to not fall in love with another man for 15 years?
of being a cunning, two-face, manipulative faker!
The question is, did Xiao Yao pick up on it??? Because if she did and still ended up with him, then man, she's a lot sicker than I thought.
I'm hoping she didn't because otherwise she would end up one of my least favorite protagonists...
Another thought. Was that why Cang Xuan never liked Jing? Not just because of jealousy, but because he knew what Jing did - selling Xiao Yao out - and is capable of???
Cang Xuan never liked him because he knows Jing is shady and isn't good enough for XY.
A Heng knows who she is and what is important to her, and she is confident in her ability to face the consequences of her choices, good or bad.
Exactly. I don't recall an equivalent scene in the novel, but in the leaked script, Xiang Liu wrote the accompanying words regarding A Heng and Chi Chen to help her understand her parents' stance and the reasons for their decisions:
4th picture: 担大义 Taking up the greater cause
5th picture: 弃私情 Sacrificing personal feelings
Xiao Yao stared at the last picture - Xuan Yuan princess stabbing Chi Chen in the chest, and collapsing in pain, her spiritual power spent. The accompanying words: 不负苍生不负卿 Not betraying the common people, Not betraying the one they love
She embraced her duty to her people, but never betrayed her love for Chi Chen, in the end proudly and openly admitting it to all on the day of the final battle. What courage and strength she had to be able to do that. We do see flashes of such mettle in Xiao Yao during her childhood, but as you said, fear due to the circumstances surrounding her development kept her from living her life to the fullest, choosing to protect herself with the safest route so that she spares herself from being hurt again.
Everyone in the novel is a Tan Er, betting and hoping that by settling they will hopefully have a "good enough life".
being with Xiao Yao isn't the thing that is most important to Xiang Liu. What he wants is to make sure that the person that he loves gets the things that she wishes for. He didn't compromise his loyalty and honour, and he didn't compromise on how he loves.
I couldn't have said it any better. And you've got me tearing up again, which really has to stop.
I think the most frustrating thing about LYF is dealing with a lead who didn't achieve any breakthroughs until the end of the story. Tong Hua's other female protagonists take decisive actions, for better or worse. Whereas Xiao Yao just "dithered".
To be fair, she retained the sass and independent spirit of Wen Xiao Liu early on after her transformation to Xiao Yao, but it slowly eroded the longer she stayed chained in a role she never wanted, being everything to everyone she loved, until she who once grasped life and fought to survive, just gave in and gave up. And it would take Xiang Liu to drag her back time and again from whatever foolhardiness she drowns herself metaphorically and literally in, to force her to appreciate, if not cherish life once more. After allowing those around her to dictate how her life was lived, she learnt the lesson almost too late, but she did learn at last, and there is finally hope for her as the curtain closes.
I read the novel 2 months ago and I forgot she admitted to Jing she liked him, not loved him.
Actually, the word 喜欢 can mean both "like" or "love", depending on how the word is used.
To put in context, when her mother A Heng openly declared her love for Chi Chen in front of the entire army just before the final battle, she said:
“我已经喜欢赤宸好几百年了!"
"I have loved Chi Chen for several hundred years!"
So the usage of the word 喜欢 here does not necessarily mean "like", but should mean "love".
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